Today it was confirmed that we have had another loss. 1 week ago my beta HCG was 59. Today it was less than 5. I was not surprised, as I know my body well enough to know. All symptoms disappeared and I am not one of the lucky ones who bleeds without anything bad happening. I am sad, disappointed, crushed. But I still have hope. My heart has taken a new turn. The plain and simple truth is that I want us to have a baby. I am tired of the waiting and the loss. I also understand now, miraculously, that I do not have to birth our baby for he/she to be our baby. Lastnight, we talked about adoption. I can't explain it really, but all that I can think is that God has somehow worked on my heart. The thought excites me and fills me with new hope. I'm still scared, of so many things. The huge cost that comes with it, and the unknowns. The possible road blocks we will run into. But DH said that if God wants it to happen, we will find a way. It will happen, if it is in His plan. I believe this, and it is what gives me hope.
I spent so much time reading the blog Heart Cries (link under my blog list). What a beautiful story. The adoptive parents also experienced infertility and had come to the end of their rope. I related completely to the emotions she expressed; the depression, the darkness, the sadness and the anger. Being in a complete holding pattern as you watch everyone else around you get that so wanted miracle. She needed her precious miracle to save her from that darkness, and it just so happened that her baby boy miracle and his first mommy needed her as much as she needed them. Maybe there is a baby that needs us as much as we need him/her....
Only few in stock
7 years ago
4 comments:
Big ((hugs))
I wish you didn't have to go through this again. I know that nothing I say will make it better, but emember that we're here for you.
First and foremost, I am so sorry for your recent loss.
My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss "veteran". You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my blog: drhousewife.blogspot.com . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.
I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.
Please let me know if you are interested by emailing me at UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com .
Best,
Elisabeth
I follow a girl's blog that just went through the adoption process, you might want to contact her. Her blog is private right now but I'm sure if you sent her an email she would give you access.
Her blog is:
http://lifewithbabymacupdate.blogspot.com/
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